I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
