piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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