If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
