gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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