Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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