Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Randomize
