Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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