She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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