Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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