Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
We just shotgunned beers for America
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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