I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
