living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
