is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
