every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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