woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
