ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Randomize
