next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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