so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
