Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
