cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
