I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
