we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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