Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
