New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
did i walk over a car last night?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
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