This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
