yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
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