Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
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