sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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