I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Randomize
