fuck your aforementioned shoe
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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