I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
