I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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