So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Randomize
