I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
