we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
