you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
