I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
