Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
