Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
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I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
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LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.