No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen