He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize