No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
