We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
