i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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