I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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