I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
