Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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