worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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