Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
