Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Modeâ€. So. Many. Orgasms.
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