I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
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he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
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After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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