I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
