I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
