it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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