4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
