hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I party with great urgency now.
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