Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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