I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
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So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize