Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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