That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
