Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
