You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
