I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I intend to get homeless drunk
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize