I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Randomize
