Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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