Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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