The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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